Researchers have found out that when people in an argument laugh and find the humour in a situation, they’re likely to shift from the thinking that there’s no solution to thinking it’s possible to find a solution to their conflict. So, yes, laughing can help end an argument. However, it depends on the type of humour. In a new study on humour and its effects on conflict, researchers videotaped couples while trying to resolve the dispute in a relationship.
They then rated the following types of humour;
- Affiliative – humour that ‘lightened the mood.
- Aggressive – humour that was a put-down.
- Self-defeating – humour that puts the person speaking down.
They also found out each type of humour had different effects on the argument. Here is a basic summary of how each kind of humour affected the argument:
Affiliative humour was the safest humour during an argument.
This humour led to an increased laughing, reduced anger, and more satisfaction with the conflict. It seems that the affiliative humour was particularly favourable when the partner was highly distressed.
Aggressive humour was sometimes OK and sometimes not.
People could take aggressive humour and see it was a joke when things were calm. However, this type of humour did not work well when the recipient was seeking more care.
Self-defeating humour did not work at any time.
First, this type of humour was complex on the one telling the joke. It led to less satisfaction with the argument. Self-defeating humour is related to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Secondly, it focused attention on the person’s foibles and left less energy and attention on the other person who needed care.
Humour is essential in relationships. Cheerful humour is associated with relationship satisfaction, and inside jokes are associated with intimacy and belongingness. This isn’t surprising, but I didn’t think humour would be helpful during a conflict before looking at these results. Looking back now on my interactions, I realize humour is often effective in a tense situation.
Overall, it seems humour can be helpful in conflicts; you have to make sure you’re both laughing.
By Dr. Syras Derksen
Winnipeg Psychologist
Reference:
Winterheld, H. A., Simpson, J. A., & Orina, M. M. (2012). It’s in the way you use it: Attachment and dyadic use of humour during conflict negotiation in romantic couples. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 39(4), 496-508. (http://psp.sagepub.com/content/39/4/496.abstract)