According to research, sexual fulfillment is essential for a satisfying relationship. So, if it’s so important, how do you know you are compatible with your partner?
Sexual compatibility refers to when couples are on the same page about sexual preferences, are in a mood for sex simultaneously, and their drive for sex is similar. Do you like the same things? How do you tell if you have the same likings? Perhaps you could ask your spouse and compare notes. The question is, is your partner being honest with you? They may be too ashamed to tell the whole truth or want to be agreeable. You might immediately think you are compatible. However, you will find out later you aren’t compatible at all!
Recently, a researcher from Kentucky and two from Guelph teamed up to see how far we should take this sexual compatibility issue. Should we be questioning our partners, or can we trust our instincts?
To put this into perspective, they took a group of couples and measured their sexual compatibility (similarity in sexual preferences). They also examined their perception of how sexually compatible they thought they were. Perceived sexual compatibility is whether you believe you have similar sexual preferences, needs, desires, and beliefs as your partner.
They found out the perception of sexual compatibility was essential than the actual sexual compatibility for relationship satisfaction. In short, people who believe they are compatible are more satisfied with their relationship. Even if a couple has distinct sexual preferences, if they think they have similar sexual preferences, they’ll likely be OK in the end. Therefore, it turns out we can trust our judgement.
To be philosophical, this is a case of our perception of reality being more important than reality itself. So don’t worry, believe.
By Dr. Syras Derksen
Winnipeg Psychologist
Reference
Mark, K. P., Milhausen, R. R., & Maitland, S. B. (2013). The impact of sexual compatibility on relationship satisfaction in a sample of young adult heterosexual couples. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 28, 201-214.