Money is a massive strain for couples, so huge that it may be more significant than communication. Fighting about finances seems to be more extreme than most other issues. In fact, about one-third of couples coming for counselling are having financial distress.
So, if money is such a menace for couples, should they make more money or is there something else to focus on? To explain this, a researcher from Kansas studied what factors matter the most to couples. Here’s what he found out;
Shared goals
A couple needs to have the same views on finances and shared goals. Couples also need to respect each other’s objectives and visions. They don’t necessarily have to agree with each other’s dream, but they need to support it. It’s vital to be on the “same team.” This boils down to respect. Although each person is different, respect for one another is essential. Respect is necessary for money matters, but it has also been associated with marital satisfaction in general.
Shared views
It’s also necessary for a couple to have the same views on autonomy or independence with money. At times couples give each other a lot of liberty. Sometimes there are limits on what can be spent without consulting or strict budgets. People in a relationship need to be on the same page regarding how free they are to make their own financial decisions. This doesn’t mean that couples need to give each other more freedom; they only need to agree on the limits.
Satisfying financial roles
This study also attempted to find all the different financial obligations each member has (e.g., taxes, bookkeeping, bill payment, etc.). After looking at all of the tasks, they found that the actual tasks weren’t that important. What was more important was the level of satisfaction each person had for their responsibilities. So, who keeps the books or who pays what bill doesn’t matter. What matters is if that person is comfortable doing it.
Income, kids, and expense
According to the findings, the level of income is an essential factor in financial satisfaction. Making more money is vital. Having enough money to pay bills is essential. It’s even more advantageous if kids are out of the home. When they leave, there is more disposable income and the ability to save.
It’s also better for a couple who have stayed together for a long time. Having experience is a good thing. Sometimes it requires time to learn how you work as a couple.
Conclusion
Couples need to have their views on finances figured out. Actually, it can be more important than communication. Feeling good about your money isn’t just about having enough; it’s important to respect each other’s goals, values and figure out financial roles. Getting all of this straight can be tricky; our feelings about money and how it should be spent can run deep. Being patient, understanding, and respecting each other’s goals is critical. It is good to know that these issues get better over time – experience makes a difference.
By Dr. Syras Derksen
Winnipeg Psychologist
Reference:
Archuleta, K. L. (2013). Couples, money, and expectations: Negotiating financial management roles to increase relationship satisfaction. Marriage & Family Review, 49, 391-411.